In the Land of Cocktails

FOR DAD

Posted by Kari Hendler on June 21st, 2009

It’s Father’s Day, and too many unfunny cards and far too many insin­cere and hideous gifts will be doled out today.  For some rea­son, our soci­ety has deemed it per­fectly accept­able to make Father’s Day some­how less impor­tant than Mother’s Day.  Sure, it’s another commercially-driven hol­i­day spon­sored by Hall­mark, but if you’re a par­ent, these hol­i­days prob­a­bly mean some­thing to you, espe­cially when your chil­dren remem­ber to give you a lit­tle token of appreciation.

To all the grown chil­dren read­ing this:  Lis­ten up, you whiny brats… 

If you were lucky enough to have even halfway decent par­ents, they deserve bet­ter from you.   All the hell you raised as a teenager, all their money you wasted on elec­tric gui­tar lessons because you were going be the next  Eddie Van Halen, that expen­sive semes­ter abroad they funded because you pleaded how you had to “broaden your world view and learn French for your future as an inter­na­tional financier”.  Well, where is that Fender Strat now?  And did you really learn how to speak French?  No.  No, you did not. You learned how to French  kiss — which is use­ful, but not what your par­ents had hoped for.  So, can your years of self­ish­ness be mag­i­cally erased with a cock­tail?  No, they can­not. But it’s a start.

Now, over the years, you may have already observed what your father’s favorite bevvie of choice is, but we’re not going there.  THAT isn’t spe­cial.  You are going to show Dad how much you love him by cre­at­ing a unique cock­tail specif­i­cally with him in mind.  You will even name it after him.

“But how do I do this?” you squeak.  “Do I make him a gin and tonic and call it a “Stan’s Spe­cial”?  NO, you non-creative big baby.  This is what you do:  Talk to your father.  You heard me right.  Talk to the man.  Ask him what his favorite drink is (if you don’t already know).  Is he a vodka guy, a wine lover, a tequila fan?  Find out what he likes and go from there.  “Hey Dad, what’s your favorite time of year?”  “What’s your favorite food?”  “What’s the best trip you ever took and why?”
Once your father gets over the shock of hav­ing you actu­ally ask him about him­self, lis­ten to his responses.  He may tell you that his favorite trip was the one you both took to New­found­land to see his cousins.  

How hav­ing you with him helped him to for­get the prob­lems he and your mom were going through at the time (that you never knew about).  He might tell you that he loves sum­mer because it reminds him of his child­hood in Cincin­nati when his uncle would take him to Aglame­sis for peach ice cream, his favorite dessert.

Oh, and noth­ing makes him hap­pier than Chi­nese food, because in col­lege, his first love was “Anja,” an exchange stu­dent from Helsinki whom he used to neck with at Chin Tiki, and oh, by the way, they won a first place together in an art com­pe­ti­tion.  (Yes, your dad knows how to paint more than houses.)

Now, take all this infor­ma­tion and start cre­at­ing a cock­tail with these ele­ments.  Find a Finnish-made vodka (rep­re­sent­ing Anja) and add some peach fla­vor to it (rep­re­sent­ing his sum­mer mem­o­ries in Cincin­nati).  You can exper­i­ment with peach schnapps, juice and/or crushed fresh peaches for the best fla­vor.  Sprin­kle in some Chi­nese Five Spice (a pop­u­lar sea­son­ing used in the food he was eat­ing while mak­ing out with Anja at Chin Tiki).  Pour this over crushed ice and shake it like you mean it.  (I tried to incor­po­rate the New­found­land angle into this cock­tail, but the only thing I could come up with is New­found­land Screech, and do you really want to drink THIS? Strain your cre­ation into a beautifully-crafted glass that only an artist would appreciate.

When you present this cock­tail to your father, make sure you announce its name and how you came up with it.  You cre­ated some­thing spe­cial for him because you lis­tened to what he said and took it to heart.  Hand him the drink with the recipe, and a nice framed photo of the two of you from your long-ago trip to New­found­land.  Watch Dad get all misty.  And while he’s enjoy­ing his cus­tom cock­tail, sit down with your father and ask him some more ques­tions.  And listen.

Kari Hendler is a tele­vi­sion script super­vi­sor, pho­tog­ra­pher and reg­u­lar con­trib­u­tor to Tiki Mag­a­zine the coolest mag­a­zine in the world.  If her dad were still alive, she’d make him a San­gria using Big Sur red wine, fresh pears and pump­kin pie spice… and she’d serve it to him on a hike in the Santa Mon­ica moun­tains, an area he helped turn into a national park.  Kari thinks she’s going to do this for him anyway.